My Arachnid Army
Somewhere in 2017, I was busy exploring the vast expanses of the Amazon shopping forest, when I came upon an extremely interesting species of arachnids. These little guys were all legs, coated in a rubbery substance, and could bend each appendage at absurd angles. I found the listing to be extremely blasé, with the poor arachnid doing a job that most humans could do themselves, and determined that I must save that poor guy from infinite boredom. I proceeded to purchase him from his masters, and while waiting for his arrival to my home, thought up a few interesting things for him to do.
First up on my list of important things was a simple holder for my lightweight wireless headphones. I was quite sick of having them dangling off a rope, or taking up space on my table, and generally getting in my way. I didn’t have the money or disposition to purchase a headphone stand for them yet, and I figured that this would be the perfect opportunity for me to see how flexible this spider guy could be!
However, there was some delay with the delivery, and my headphones were donated to my sister… and my first 8-legged minion arrived just a few days later. What timing! However, this situation left me feeling quite liberated, actually, as now I could shamelessly ask my guy to do all kinds of support yoga activities for me. First up, I asked him to become my de facto book keeper - a job which he did with unflinching dedication. In retrospect, i doubt I would have adored him nearly as much if he had been tasked with any other activity… but because he was in charge of keeping my books legible, he found a soft spot in my heart.
Soon enough, I found that I wanted my spider to do a bunch of other tasks… but my main man was already occupied with this vital support task. So, in a moment of softness, I decided to acquire 5 more arachnid minions to keep him - and myself! - company. It turned out to be an excellent decision, really. In isolation, one spider looked decidedly strange…. but together, these little guys looked like a little battalion of productivity. pretty soon, they were busying themselves all around the house, lifting things up off the floor, out of drawers and into the light of daily use, and away from dangerous locations like the floor, or the edge of the table, or the bottom of the cupboard. The best part about them was the fact that they were so slender, and could easily fit into my bag for travel, where they were the most useful of all. They provided me the ability to be independent of work-station infrastructure, letting me carry and mount my work-related hardware (and more!) in proximity to the devices I was using.
It has now been 5 years and, my little minions continue to do their duties to perfection; so much so that they are practically invisible throughout the house, noticed only by their occasional absence when moved to a new role. My original book keeper has now become my left-hand man, sitting atop the dashboard of my handsome old car and is entrusted with ‘upholding’ the navigation and entertainment cluster. So ubiquitous is he, that I cannot imagine my commute without him.
Sadly, the people of Amazon (India) discovered this little fraternity within their ecosystem and, as seems to be the knee-jerk reaction of the ‘civilized’ world, sent pest control teams after them. They have been entirely purged from the system, and are a rare, expensive creature these days. I humbly request that you, the reader, adopt at least 2 of these fantastic, practical and humble minions - give them a life off the stocking shelves, a life of purpose, where they can be appreciated for their innate value.
I guess it’s true what they say - the best things come in the smallest (arachnid) packages!