I waited 20 years to buy a PlayStation

Growing up in a middle class family, with a watchful and increasingly alarmed dad - it would be polite to say I was a train-wreck of a child - I knew that a PlayStation was not something I could ask for. Some of my lucky friends had been blessed with one, and on the few occasions I would spend time indoors with them, we would get on the thing and play… whatever was available. I was 14 and I really, really wanted one. It was so cool, so technology, so 1st world. Definitely not something dad would agree to - especially considering my atrocious ADHD behaviour and inherent lack of self-control.

Meanwhile, I still wanted in. When I was released to go to college (abroad!), I found a way to get a controller, and installed Fifa 2010 on my PC. The graphics had to be dialled down their lowest setting, but heck, I was in for the gameplay. I spent more time playing that game than studying. It was my go-to when my friend the Procrastination Bunny came to hang out, and I got really, astoundingly good at it. Meanwhile, my studies suffered predictably. The game was one of the few things I was excellent at, and in comparison I was a schmuck at delivering results at university. Not because I wasn’t good at my design work (I am pleased to reflect that I regularly came up with curious, unique ideas/solutions to discuss or develop) but because I didn’t dedicate nearly as much time to my formal education as I did to my extra-curricular activities. It wasn’t just this game… it was any game. Fortunately, I played a lot of actual sports (squash, tennis, badminton, football), so I wasn’t a complete reject from society, and it had the good effect of keeping my hormones in some kind of balance. However, I craved the thrill of being down-right excellent at playing this football game(s), despite never having a PlayStation. But I was weak, and somewhere inside I knew it. In my final year, I discovered just enough inner strength to uninstall that cool game and give away my controller. It helped significantly. Once outside that destructive loop of procrastination, I understood exactly how much time I had wasted, and I was aghast at my stupidity. I told myself that I was not allowed this experience again, until I was master of my desires.

And… somehow… I stuck to my guns. It took me an entire decade of doing other things. I learnt how to juggle. I learnt how to become professional in my professional life. I taught myself the value of patience (this was HUGE). I taught myself how to manage money, and discovered the joy of not being broke every month, and eventually of having enough to mitigate unforseen disasters. I built an investment portfolio that is actually worth something. I finally attained my 6-year old self’s idea of perfection - a 1 bedroom apartment, but a 2-car garage! I disengaged entirely from social media and freed up so much more time for my spirit to explore this lifetime. I travelled India, and then the world, and discovered that alcohol simply wasn’t for me. I went through two beautiful relationships, that I failed to protect adequately. I discovered the virtues of perseverance, honesty, transparency and integrity to others… and to myself. I followed my passions and developed them into (f)actual skills - even expertise. So much so that the universe sent me back to university - but this time, as a lecturer! - to help others learn from my mistakes and to share not just my skills, but my experience of the human condition. I continue to chuckle every time I remember my atrocious track-record as a student, and am deeply honoured that the Universe finally deems me fit to share my discoveries with the young and impressionable :) But, I digress.

Eventually, I found myself at the age of 34, having spent 14 solid years freelancing, managing my time, resources and developing my spirit and intentions. By carefully observing my strengths and weaknesses, whittling down my impulsive tendencies and building a (somewhat) balanced existence for myself, I had proven, over an extended period of time, that I had acquired self-control.

It was finally time to chase a lifelong ambition.

Since I was a child, I wanted to master the art of driving powerful, real-wheel drive sportscars. My dad, recognizing my car-craziness, started getting me car-magazines every 3-4 months. I would spend hours looking at the beautiful cars of the 90s and 2000s, fantasizing myself driving down the Pacific coast in this and that, perhaps even having a blast around Laguna Seca, Donnington park or Suzuka. This meant not only being able to drive these cars hard but -more importantly - being able to control them in case of unforseen circumstances… and… I wanted to be able to powerslide them around corners for fun; hah!

By now, I had been across the world, and rented out a few of the cars of my childhood dreams - a BMW Z4, a Nissan 350Z and a Mazda Miata NC. But I was never able to push them at all, since if anything went wrong, I’d look like a complete dolt, and my bank account would be utterly drained for no thrills whatsoever. I came back from each of these trips with a fledgeling plan brewing in the back of my mind. I needed a sandbox environment where I could make my mistakes, without suffering the consequences of more testosterone than skill. Fortunately, the world had been developing sim-racing for quite sometime now… and in anticipation of this day, I had already purchased a force-feedback wheel-and-pedal set a couple of years prior as a sub-conscious push towards this goal. It was finally time to invest in the environment itself. I finally had not just the money, but the discipline to buy… a PlayStation!

Unlike most gamers, I do not have a game shelf. I have 4 titles total, about the size of a 300 page book. Two of those titles are throwbacks to my era of Final Fantasy and Fallout, and the other two are racing games. Project Cars 2, and Gran Turismo. One was purchased because it had an excellent physics engine, while Gran Turismo fulfilled my desire to go racing against other human beings. Eventually, Gran Turismo updated its physics model, so Project Cars 2 is now just decoration. More importantly however, in the 2 years between the purchase and this entry, I have accomplished the first half of my goal. I can now drive the frickin wheels off my Ferrari 458 Italia, as well as a whole host of other gorgeous cars from my childhood. Think Honda’s NSX, the Lexus LFA, the original Mercedes 300SL Gullwing and their moster 190E DTM destroyer, BMW M3s from the 80s, 90s and 2000s, the Ferrari F40 and the legendary McLaren F1 GTR… and many more.Even better than driving these cars is my increased awareness of their driving dynamics, their physics, and the discipline of motor racing, no matter what the car’s configuration.

While I live in a country with deplorable road infrastructure and outrageously priced sportscars, I get to enjoy the satisfaction of driving well-engineered automobile art, in locations that range from the racetrack to the countryside, without being hassled by the average motorist, nor putting them in any form of danger, all while I develop my mastery of these magnificent machines, so that when I am finally at the right place in time, I can rent them out and experience them to my heart’s complete satisfaction.

I think I’m winning in life :)