Planned Motherhood
This is a story about turning unusual circumstances into an opportunity for growth, and how to have a good bunch of fun doing it. It’s quirky, and probably a little self-indulgent, but its all completely true. And, if I can discover it, so can you!
Synopsis
While on an extended workation in Goa, I took temporary guardianship of two newborn kittens.
I joked that I’d be mama and my girlfriend would be papa, so that we could each shamelessly experience what we would traditionally have no chance of doing so. It proved to be utterly perfect. The kids would come up to me and curl up against me each evening, Rocket (the brother) on my chest, and Lily (the sister) under the blankets, against my thigh. As they grew, so did their personalities. Rocket was the first to receive his name. He was constantly shooting about everywhere, excited and curious in an utterly boyish way. He wanted to explore everything, first, not understanding that some situations were dangerous. Lily meanwhile, took an entire month to receive her name. She turned out to be just as curious, but cautious, careful and very observant. She conducted herself with composure and grace from a very young age - a beautiful flower, her will and personality blossoming in front of my eyes every single day. She was my polar opposite, all the things I wish I was as a child, the yin to my erstwhile yang. I discovered that I loved them both dearly and - even better - they truly loved me back. I determined that I would do absolutely everything within my intellectual and physical capacity to raise them with care and excellence.
Through all this, it occured to me that we would have to part ways sooner, not later. At some point, my magical episode in the jungle would have to come to an end, and I must return to the city, to my apartment, to the grind of humanity once more. This was no place for a cat - especially not cats that had grown up at the confluence of nature and humans. They would be far better off where they were, and they would need the skills, exposure and confidence to take life into their own ha… paws. I had seen so many people raise their animal family to be entirely dependant on their human masters, and I did not wish this upon my children. I wished for them to enjoy the benefits of humanity, but be independent and self-aware, to have the will to accept that one day, mama would be gone, and that it was absolutely fine, because the time we spent together was full of lessons, learnings, and love.
I learnt how to give love in a whole new way.
I belatedly realised that I’ve taken on a very serious responsibility.
I’m relishing every moment of it.
The development of my children was only satisfying when it was demanding. We lived in the jungle, and the jungle has everything my children needed. But, they still needed mama to take them to it. It took me 5 months of building trust and communication with them, to take them for walks into the jungle. I remember how anxious they were at first, sticking right by my legs, refusing to go further than a couple of feet away from me. Because of course, everyone has some fear of the unknown. But eventually, they took bigger steps, went further and further away.. to the point where I was the one that started to get a little anxious. I would call out to them, softly, so as not to make the whole jungle aware that there were two children within it, and they would respond likewise… softly. Of course it was teaching them stealth… but it was teaching me the ways of the jungle, too. A learning that worked both ways. Over time, it got to the point where they would be - easily - 100 meters or more away from the path, and I could simply trust them to grow their feline awareness to know where mama was at any given time.
Despite what many might think, when I speak to my children, they learn… and they never make the same mistakes again. I had very few possessions in my little home, but one of them was a gigantic mirror, salvaged from a closing dance studio. It was on a couple of rubber slippers, leaned up against the hallway wall. Rocket and Lily loved using it as a tunnel to chase each other through. Now, it’s most likely that they bounded through that crack of a space with feline dexterity… but in my mind, the thought of them accidentally knocking it over, and it shattering upon them, was simply too much to bear. So, one day I decided I couldn’t take it any more, and I called them over to the spot. I proceeded to tell them, as simply as I could, that this was no longer a passage they could use. They didn’t get it at first, just looking at me like I was a little bit… stupid. But they listened. It took me 4 more attempts at explaining my anxiety to them, but finally, they understood! They had a sad look on their faces, because it was probably one of their most fun little passageways at home, but they both stopped using that passage entirely. Astonishing.
When I pour my time and effort into them, they reciprocate it in ways that I couldn’t dare to ask the universe. They make me proud, they release me from anxiety, and they bring me gifts when I am in need of non-human love
It is proving that what we put in is what we get out of the universe. In spades. Karma must exist.
I am deeply thankful to my parents for pouring so much of themselves into my being. I undoubtedly wouldn’t have the focus, patience and love that I can now bring to bear on my beautiful children.
Bottom Line: I found a way to be free from my gender, entirely by accident, and with it I got a chance to improve the life circumstances of two extremely curious, intelligent beings, much like the story of my own life… and it is making me immeasurably happy :)
